Writer's Block?

It's not that I have a lack of things to talk about, it's that it's just my day to day life and I know that gets boring to read, and boring for me to write about.

With that said, The Boo did make sure we had a good weekend and he made a huge effort to do things I wanted to do, and to stay awake even though I know he was tired. We put up Christmas decorations together and although I may have gotten frustrated a few times, it was fun and is another memory to add to our book.

Now my time is spent trying to make the week fly by so it'll be the weekend again. I try to think of that instead of worrying about bills. (Oh and yes I am still looking for a job. How could I not be?!?!) I do really need to hunker (is that how you spell it) down and MAKE my Christmas gifts for everyone...because the money is just not there and time is running out!!

So cross your fingers and say a quick prayer that I am able to create some cute and meaningful gifts in time!! (oh and for a job to open up that is perfect for me)

When no one else wants to listen..

So I have stupid mommy stats to blab about and seems like no one is around to listen.

Sidenote:

The Boo has been extremely busy lately (apparently December is a busy time for carpet cleaning?? CLEAN IT YOURSELVES PEOPLE!)Anyway I have been struggling trying to keep myself busy and not be an annoying and clingy girlfriend, but the less attention I get the more needy I become. Since I have one failed marriage (and slew of failed relationships) under my belt, I am frantic to not let another one happen. I now realize any relationship is work, hard work. You must stay connected, you must not let mediocrity and life force you apart. If you're tired, too bad, suck it up, and make time for each other, because it will just keep getting worse if you do not stop it NOW! (These are the thoughts that run through my head on a daily basis. True I have more free time to freak out and have panic attacks about it, BUT it's all true.)

Moving on..

Boots is now 5 months old (and 7 days). She is 14lbs 8oz and 26.75 inches. She is in the 90th percentile for her height! They keep saying she has long legs and is going to be tall (Dead beat is tall). I am excited for that, why you ask? Because I am a whopping 5'3". It gets old. She is healthy and developing well. We tried applesauce today and she seemed to like it much more than the rice cereal. I am excited to start solids. It's so much fun to stand in the baby food aisle and plan little meals for your baby. They have so many new things since Bubba was a baby too. (Yes, once you're a mother you dream about baby food and slings from ebay. I'm serious! True, I would enjoy new things for myself [God knows my bra has about had it] but once you have kids buying stuff for them is much more fulfilling) So no, still no job, no money(Well we have started to get Christmas money but I can't bring myself to pay bills with it, my babies need clothes and fun stuff. Why should they suffer for my poor choices?), and a huge pile of past due notices, yet I have a few things to be happy and excited about-beautiful and healthy children that love me no matter how ratty my bra is!

I fell off the face of the earth..

This is going to be pretty short..I have been really slacking and now there is just WAY too much to catch up on.

Thanksgiving was good, so happy I was able to spend it with The Boo. I have so much to be thankful and am just that, Thankful.

The weekend was okay overall. We now have a massive, ugly reminder of our first official huge fight. (Screaming, yelling, throwing things, punching bathroom doors and The Boo may or may not have cried[obviously I cried]) We did hug and kiss and make up and yes alcohol was involved. No one is perfect and if you don't fight then you're freaking weird.

I cannot get into the Christmas spirit, I want to badly. But it just doesn't feel like Christmas, one because I don't have my own home to decorate and bake to my heart's content in and two because I have no money to buy anyone gifts. Yes, I know that's not what it's about, but that always got me amped up, planning, buying and wrapping for the ones I love. All I feel is stress and anxiety for the day that is looming before me, what will I wrap up to give? I have seriously thought of getting a huge bow and placing it strategically on myself to give to The Boo, but that gift won't work for anyone else (ha ha)

I'm just going to keep praying something happens, something comes along and helps turn things around in the money department. (Please hurry!)

O M G

So much to say but do I want to take the time to sort it all out?? BLAH

The weekend was a pretty good one, but I would like to address my football team..My last game of the season was the Jaguars versus the Vikings this weekend. (by the way drinking all that alcohol made the loss hurt even more) I don't know why but the alcohol made me very angry. (Ok, I'm lying it wasn't just the alcohol but a culmination of things that got under my skin along with a losing football team and some alcohol) The game is not going to be in my best memories log that's for sure. It began with The Boo's ex calling the night before (unbenounced to me until she called the second time on this day) and saying she called on accident drunk and then announced she'd be at the game..(Um who the f*&# cares??!?!?) As women we all know there are no accidental drunken phone calls..there are just drunk dialing...moving on..Then when we got to the game, I sarcastically told a Viking fan I liked his face paint (really I was making fun of it since it was smeared down his face and looked like he'd been crying) but The Boo decided to tell me to find my own way home (yes, he'd been drinking too..this never fails to create the best fights, agree?) So then I'm mad and then the Jaguars miss two easy field goals in a row and it's all downhill from there. Some girl I don't know, didn't get introduced to either (a big no no), comes up and is all feeling on The Boo and saying how she misses him..(final straw) I start screaming and cussing how I'm going to beat some you know what (yes, while she is still standing there, the touching stopped) The anger did not, I took the rest of my anger out on The Boo and vice versa..needless to say we left the game early. So after a long car ride to pick up Boots, we ended up making up and everything was ok. We had a lot of fighting this weekend but they resulted in some break throughs in our relationship. So it all worked out in the end. (But I do say, I am dramatic and if The Boo still wants to stick around after it he's the one)

Now I have more drama going on with the rest of my life, I'm so stressed and overwhelmed. I just wish everything else could fall into place and some people (read: my parents) would cut me some slack. I am happy with The Boo, so be receptive to him. kthankspreesh!

I've been assigned to be positive..

The Boo made me promise to be positive today after 48 hours of putting up with my pouty brattiness (apparently not a real word, it should be one) he exclaimed, "Tomorrow you have to try to be positive!" So here I am completing my assignment like a good little student! Today has been better and I attribute that to being loved my an amazing man and him making sure I started my day off well with a sweet text message. ("I miss you and I love you very much") Well that made my day!



Not much has happened today..I mean somethings have happened so I feel a little relief about somethings I was stressing over (I know you're probably like, "What the hell is she talking about??" Just "somethings" [ ha ha] that I don't feel like broadcasting to the whole Internet world.)



Also apparently I have been given a blogging award (by the bestie, which I figure has to be because I am her bestie not necessarily because I'm this wonderfully amazing blogger ha..thank you though! KISSES)



So this is the award..

(Yes it does say I am CREATIVE!)

So I am supposed to award 6 other bloggers, post some rules, and other stuff..here's all that..(For once I am following the rules..GASP! I know..)
Here are the rules for this one:
1. Mention the blog that gave it to you and comment on their blog to let them know you've posted your award.

2. Publish these rules.

3. Share six values that are important to you and six things you do not support.

4. Grant the prize to six people.

Six Important Values/Beliefs:
1. Generosity
2. Trust
3. Loyalty
4. Selflessness
5. Tolerance
6. Love

Six Unimportant Values/Beliefs:
1. Selfishness
2. Ignorance
3. Dishonesty
4. (Being) Judgemental
5. Unforgiving
6. Jealousy(to the point of causing hatred)

And I am tagging..
(I realize I have no one to tag!) I mean bestie has tagged the only bloggers(Miss Musing, Lindsay, and JD [who's private blog is somewhere else, I don't have the link right now]) I know! What the eff..I need more blog friends! (depressing..wait no I am positive pauly today so..not depressing, just unfortunate)

And I don't remember Saturday night at all..

This was another amazing weekend for several reasons, one being it was spent in the company of The Boo and his (well now our) friends, I had oodles of fun, friendships grew, and I saw my Bestie. Friday I made dinner and it was pretty uneventful..Saturday we watched football (both the gators and badgers won!) and then we had people over to watch the fight (ask me who fought or won and I won't be able to tell you) I decided it was a good idea to pound down several sparks and who knows how many shots of cherry vodka on an empty stomach..(hence why I don't know what happened) I have been told that one second I was fine, shouting obscenities to everyone, telling them to "Get on my level" (oh how embarrassing) and then a few minutes later I was passed out, so unconscious I couldn't walk, had to be carried to bed, and then carried to and from the bathroom to hug the toilet. (oh yes and there was also several crying spells where I told The Boo he didn't love me) I am not sure what happened but I guess it was the empty stomach and the pace that I drank. Anyways...I woke up at 5 am, dying of thirst and still a little tipsy..and then back up at like 9, where I had to get ready for the Jags game..So I drank lots of water and caprisuns, made myself eat breakfast and was ready to drink again by noon! Tailgating was amazing! I got a surprise showing of the Bestie! So so so glad I saw her! And grew even closer to The Boo's roommate's girlfriend, let's call her Bananas! (She thankfully helped take care of me Saturday night!!) The first half of the game was fun since we were winning, the second half was not so much fun. Oh well, at least I got to spend it with The Boo and I can remember it!! haha, ok not really that funny but still..Monday we celebrated our anniversary! Yay! We got Outback take out and it was really yummy, watched Get Smart and went to bed fairly early...The Boo is wonderful..(if you didn't already figure it out), our relationship is wonderful, and my life is 100 million times better with him in it. (that about sums it up..)

So this is love...

(I am going to break up all I have to say into two totally separate posts because one is going to be about the crazy weekend and the other about The Boo exclusively!)

Laying in bed this morning, talking about names(for future little Boos) that we like, I had the thought..So this is love..

When he rubs my face and gives me the sweetest look I've ever seen, I have the thought, So this is love...

While watching him sleep so peacefully (must have been dreaming of me), I have the thought, So this is love..

Posing for a kissy picture, I had the thought..So this is love..

Listening to him say he will be the best daddy he can to Boots, I had the thought, So this is love..

I want to give him all of me, parts of me that I never knew existed until he came along. He is everything I've ever wanted, ever needed..

I'm feeling things I've never felt, this is love..

TO THE MAX..it's how I roll...

I apparently like to do everything TO THE MAX...lately it's been love and stress..TO THE MAX...

Most of my life is absolutely perfect...that being The Boo and Boots...while the rest, Bubba and my lack of work is not so perfect thus causing stress TO THE MAX..(ok I promise that's the last time I'll use that phrase in this blog) I desperately want Bubba to come be with us for Christmas, but that requires a drive to New Orleans to pick him up (the half way point) and then trekking back there to drop him off...Another problem is that I need to find a job ASAP and if that happens where is he going to be while I am working?? I can't start working and ask off for a week during Christmas..I highly doubt that will fly..AND what if I can't get a job WHAT ABOUT PRESENTS FOR MY CHILDREN!?!?!?? sigh...I don't even want to think of such a thing...I hate myself for being in this position...really I do..

As for The Boo, he is amazing..absolutely UHHH MAZ ING! I don't ever want to come back home after spending the weekend with him...sadly I have to come back to reality and I hate it. He is so in love with me and with Boots, he is the greatest thing to have happened to us in a long time. He makes getting up and going through the rest of the mediocrity soooooo worth it! He let me drive his car home(therefore I am in charge of it until Friday when I drive it back to his house)...I find this a huge example of his trust in me..and it feels oh so good. Everytime he told me he loved me this weekend, felt like the first time and I was just as surprised to hear him saying it. (weird huh?) I'm so happy that these are new feelings..tells me this isn't just ANYBODY telling me what they think I want to hear..it's REAL..(TO THE MAX...ok I had to haha)

As for what I have been up to...um..this weekend was pretty low key..watching football and such..had some people over for some bbq-ing, football, and rock band on Sunday..I'm excited for the Jags game this weekend though..it will be a nice escape..

And he said...

"I need to tell you something.." (as he grabs my hand)

My heart racing, I cluelessly ask, "What?"

"I love you."

I can barely get it out, but I whisper, "I love you too." (While screaming in my head "AHHHHH Did he really just say that?!??! How lucky am I?!?!?")

Everyday with The Boo just gets better..(I'm sure some of you are like, "WTF aren't you moving fast?" But like The Boo put it last night, You can't really pass judgement until you're in the situation yourself...If one of my friends had told me about their relationship(pre Boo) and described it how I have to you, I'd be like...You're moving a bit fast don't you think?? However now that I'm experiencing the most wonderful, amazing, once in a lifetime relationship I can say"If that's how you feel, then it must be right.")

I do have to admit, I can be kind of impatient and hard on The Boo, and I really need to work on that. I am demanding and bossy, but this is only because I finally know what I want..(sometimes however it's hard to put it into words..and so then it gets held in and then I have a huge pouting episode where I struggle to verbalize what I want(this is usually in reference to what I want sexually..I know I know..that's all I'll say about that)..I'm sure it will get easier with time, and I know I want to be totally open with The Boo, just gotta get over my shyness and modesty..(any suggestions??!!?!?) I am proud to say atleast I recognize my faults...

By the way did I mention that The Boo loves me!?!??!

STRESS!!!!

It seems to be consuming everyone's lives..how do we overcome this when as soon as we get some relief it just seems to keep coming back in new forms!!?!?!? Recently, I can tell, The Boo is stressed and I feel pretty helpless because I am stressed for the same reasons. There has to be something I can do. Lack of money limits that, however, along with my lack of job and being so far away.

Guess I'll just have to keep praying...And remembering what I do have and be thankful. I am so very thankful for The Boo, my two wonderful children, a family that helps as much as they can, some loving friends, a roof over my head, some clothes(although they aren't as new and cute as they used to be) on my back, and food in my tummy.

I realized..

I did not gush enough about the past 5 days spent with The Boo...so now I will..starting with the top 10 moments of those 5 days..

10. The Boo meeting both parents and sisters. It went exceptionally well.
9. The Boo wanting to hold Boots as soon as he got there. (He is pretty into her, much more so than TSMOE who was possibly her father..he's such a shitty person..moving on)
8. The Boo being a part of Boots very first Halloween (and like I said before he asked to be a part of it all on his own)
7. Having a few drinks with The Boo and all my feelings only being amplified..what a wonderful high!
6. I told a joke(we were in the Mcdonald's line getting some late night food and he said if we kept eating like that we were going to get fat..and I said "well maybe you should increase my physical activity [yes a sexual inuendo]) and he laughed and said he was so glad that I was his girl. (butterflies!!)
5. We were watching the FL/GA game and I was laying with my head in his lap, I looked up at him and he sang the line "You're my best friend" to me from the Tim Mcgraw song. (our song by the way)
4. We had a fight (mostly me starting a fight to see how much he cared) and I finally said I didn't want to fight anymore and he grabbed me, pulled me close, held me tight and said he didn't want to either. (Every other relationship was about me having to apologize or end the fighting and nothing really got resolved, and there was never any making up...he makes sure we make up every time and that I'm not mad at him for too long..this is someone really truly caring..)
3. He was a little grumpy (stressed, which I can understand) and so he was frustrating me, so I just stopped talking to him. He kept up his bad mood for a car ride and then maybe 2 minutes after we walked in the house he came in the room and wouldn't let me leave til we kissed and made up.
2. Our number 2 time (yes, sex..or should I say making love..[I know the bestie will laugh but that's what it is!]) I am starting to let my walls down and so it's only going to get better. Even if I may say other wise, I think I will be able to be completely open with him in the bedroom and that is a huge first!
1. Of course our very first time (which was Halloween night) It was full of a lot of passion, lots of kissing and touching..just perfect. And I can honestly say I just want that with him..there's no doubt that I would not be sad if there was never another 'lover' in my life.

So those were the top moments from my time with The Boo...of course pretty much every minute with him is amazing, but thought I'd highlight a few for you.

Prayers Help..

My bills are coming to be due and the balance in the bank is in the 2 digits...yea, this has caused a massive amount of prayers and me calling the aforementioned bill collector's begging for their mercy...Mercy has been granted temporarily for one of the bills...(sigh of relief)..I have to say that I am very impatient..I am sick of this not having a job, no income coming in..and ultimately just wanting to be somewhere else (ie with The Boo) but it being too soon for such thoughts..or is it? I've decided I'm not going to bring it up, I can't bring it up..I already broke my waiting for him to say everything first rule, by saying that I was more than falling in love, but in fact IN love with him. He didn't say it back, but that's ok..I already know he's falling so it's only a matter of time..can't rush that..I listened to the song "Unanswered Prayers" by Garth Brooks today..(he had put it on his myspace for me) and I cried..tears streamed down my face..it's not an overly emotional song..I mean I've heard it before and it didn't affect me at all..But it's different now..and I can relate..you think you know what you want and need and what's right..but only God knows and all those times he didn't answer my prayers were just so I could get to The Boo. This is why tears filled my eyes and I wanted nothing more than to be able to hug and kiss him (if only he were here...sigh)

So while praying helps in all cases...I can't get mad when some prayers aren't answered..I know He will guide me down the right path always..(just feeding my faith..letting my doubts starve..)

Life is a runaway train, I can't wait to jump on..

I've jumped on the train and am holding on tight, this time I'm not going to let go. I may say I want to go home or get away but this is ALWAYS a ploy to get you to show you care...don't ever doubt that Boo. And by the way my residence may say St. Mary's, Ga but my HOME is with The Boo. I have already decided, this is so very right. I want to tell him that I want to be with him all the time, which is code for I want to live here..but something keeps telling me to hold on..I'm not totally sure he's ready for that and I don't even know all the work that would have to be done for that to really happen in reality...there would have to be a lot of talking and planning and well I just don't know how to bring it up..How do you bring that up, "Hey Boo I want to move in like yesterday and start our life together officially today.." Yea, it just sounds stupid no matter how I put it, plus a lot of it is my huge fear of being rejected which I have felt quite frequently..probably more of my own insecurities. He's so happy, he's not worried about physical relations (read:sex ha ha)..I'm so happy, that's all I can think of..In the past I may have wanted to have meaningless sex, but since I made the decision a long time ago (February) to not have sex anymore without a committed relationship, it's been hard for me to trust and even want to have sex...And now I trust, I feel safe and so that means my sex drive is through the roof..Plus for most women sex equates to love, it's how we express the words we can't find for the overwhelming feelings we feel. This being said..I don't want to initiate it all the time yet because of this fear of being rejected, even if that's not what he's doing on purpose, when we don't have it that's what it feels like to me. I'm not good enough, sexy enough, skinny enough, pretty enough, etc etc. Yes, I realize these are my issues, I need to work on my confidence but what girl doesn't want their Boo to ravish them, to come home and not be able to stand it, they have to rip all their clothes off and have them right then and there....I'm pretty sure that is every girl's fantasy..Now this is not in anyway me saying that there is something wrong with The Boo, because there isn't one thing I want to point out as being wrong. And I would also like to say that we have had some physical relations and they were more than I could have ever expected (not helping my already massive sex drive!) He seems to just get more and more perfect for me (I know you can go throw up now..I'm kind of making myself sick with all this lovey dovey talk)

So let's talk about the weekend..

Halloween...The Boo came to go trick or treating with Boots, myself, and the 2 sisters.(by the way he brought up going with us ON HIS OWN) Sadly hardly anyone was participating this year...how rude..Then we came back to his house and had those physical relations I mentioned earlier he he...

Saturday we watched the gators whoop up on the stupid bulldogs!!!! Gotta root for The Boo's team! We later went over to a friend's house and I got a little tipsy he he...I just want to say how much I love his friends, they are so thoughtful and sweet and I immediately felt welcomed. I don't know how to explain how major this is, but it is MAJOR. I've never really had that before and I think it's just another sign to add to the list of "Reasons why I'm meant to be with The Boo."

Sunday we were back at that friend's house watching the jags...lose...I don't even want to talk about that...

Monday I waited for The Boo to come home so we could go to the store to get stuff to make dinner, I am finding that I enjoy cooking and cleaning up for him...I might have missed it just a tiny bit, ok that's a lie...I miss it greatly. I miss having my own home to take care of however I want to and feeling like the queen of the house instead of a child in my parent's house.

Today...I am being lazy..as you can guess, I'm on here in my jammies feverishly typing away because I have to admit I've missed writing in this thing...ha ha how sad.

By the way I have three new favorite things:
1. Watch The Boo sleep
2. The Boo's freckles
3. AND (this is probably number 1) Watch The Boo hold Boots, probably the cutest, sweetest, best thing I've ever seen. Makes me look forward to a few years down the road (wink wink).

So back to the runaway train thing, I'm definitely on the right runaway train and I hope that the tracks never end and that the train chugs along endlessly. :)

No one could possibly miss someone this much..

So how crazy is it that in 3 short weeks, I feel so close to The Boo..I feel like he is what has been missing and even if I had never met him I would STILL be missing him. It's amazing how life works itself out, how somethings fall apart so even better things can come together. Each day I spend away from him, I ache to be close to him even more. I can no longer see my life without him in it. How crazy is that?!?!? It can't be too crazy because he tells me (all the time) how he feels exactly the same. Someone once told me that they didn't think there was just one person for everyone, but it was more about the right time. I still believe that there is one amazing, crazy, long lasting love for everyone and all the other 'loves' weren't really loves at all, but just us settling or trying to make things work because the real ONE hadn't shown themselves to us yet.

When I sit down and think of all the ways we could have crossed paths already, it gives me chills..He briefly went to the same middle school as I did... His best friend went to my highschool, I was friends with several people in his graduating class. The Boo and his best friend worked at the same Winn Dixie I did but right before I started working there..But we only brushed paths for a reason, we weren't ready for each other..We needed to spend that time apart to be able to be the people we are today and I am thankful that now we finally can cross paths, join hands and walk the same path TOGETHER.

If I am dreaming, please don't wake me...

Why is it so hard to get a mediocre job around here?!?!?

So my quest for a job is really frustrating and I probably give up on it several times a day and then realize, "no you have bills to pay NEXT week"....It angers me to have to keep applying for jobs that I am greatly overqualified for, but to also not get an interview for or to have to keep calling them only to hear, "H.R. isn't in today.." EVERYDAY..this lady named, Brenda, must be fictitious...The lack of transportation makes it hard to take any jobs outside of a 10 mile radius and this town is so small there isn't much of anything..I hate it..I hate it here...

Friday cannot come fast enough, I can have another weekend where I can forget about my "I need a job, I'm broke, I suck" problems. The Boo sure does make life sweeter. (yes I have a huge grin from ear to ear on my face)

Anyway..I was thinking of doing something I saw the bestie do in her blog a bit ago..write my 17 year old self a letter..So here it goes..

Dear 17 year old Ashley,

You're in your junior year and you might think you have some serious problems: annoying, nagging parents, no car, a stupid cashier job and a bunch of meaningless relationships under your belt(this is just what they are...trust me). But enjoy this time because it will go by so fast. Soon you will be struggling to make ends meet and there won't be endless shopping sprees to Forever 21. Appreciate your looks now, because you really aren't fat and they was never anything ugly about you. You will quickly have the way you view your body shaken up and it will be really hard for you to find your confidence, so build it up now.

I think I'll let you make the same mistakes over because without one there wouldn't have been the next, and so on and so forth. You're going to meet someone who should have just remained your friend, but without him you would miss out on one of the best gifts God has for you, your son. You're also going to use alcohol to mask the pain of another failed relationship and you make poor choices, however without this lack of judgement you would miss out of your next best gift, your daughter. The only thing I would tell you is to realize that you're better than the guys that you surround yourself with. Your worth is more than they will ever let you see.

You will go through some hard years of heart break, but it will all be worth it because one day not too far away you will meet the man you've always dreamed of and in a way you would have never imagined. Those years of hurt will make you open your eyes, your heart and your mind and you will finally be ready to love unconditionally and give endlessly just like it should be. You will know what you want and need which makes it possible for you to find it.

Try not to sweat your first love and his girlfriend causing drama..your tears aren't worth it. They both will realize their mistakes and beg for your forgiveness. You were never in the wrong, so just hold your head high and enjoy the rest of highschool.

Do hold on to that best friend of yours, she will be one of the only friends to stand through everything. You will have a lot of disagreements and you will hurt each other, but she is your soulmate because no matter what you couldn't live without her in your life. Make sure you keep acting just as silly as always with her, those memories will last you a lifetime.

I know that things have changed greatly between your Aunt and the rest of the family. But please don't distance yourself from her, and do whatever it takes to convince your mom not to either. Your time with her is limited and tomorrow is not guaranteed. Always let your loved ones know how you feel, but especially her.

I'm going to close this with, please remember that you are going to miss this, yet life has so much more in store for you. So don't give up and don't settle. Remember that you are a smart and beautiful girl, inside and out.

Love Your 23 year old self

Alcohol, Jags Football, and First Impressions..

Let's just say first off I've had the best weekend I could have ever EVER imagined! The Boo is an amazing being and I keep saying, "What did I do to deserve to have him in my life.." But what haven't I done??..I've always worn my heart on my sleeve, given my all, and wanted the same in return and HE is now staring me in the face..I'm throwing all my "wanting to take things slow" thoughts out the window because he is just what I've always wanted..I know there will definitely be critics, probably some that I'm really close to, but I have always followed my heart, I have spent years grooming my intuition and it can sense when things are wrong (I just chose to ignore it...A LOT) And nothing about The Boo is wrong..I can't really tell you anything I do not like about him. Sounding too good to be true?? I think that sometimes too, but I am living in the moment(ok not totally true because I can see this going very well in the future...) Since I have the experience of many failed relationships(and a failed marriage) I can honestly say this relationship is unlike any I've had before. It was always about me giving 110% and not getting much in return, about me trying to convince the other person I was right for them...The Boo already knows that I'm right for him (this being confirmed by some late night/early morning convos) I am letting him say certain key things first before I let him know how I feel, that way I know it's genuine and untainted. It's hard to explain to someone how I am feeling, there really aren't too many words for it..but to try to put it into perspective..I was laying with my head on his chest and I realized that that is where I was always meant to be..resting in the crook of his arm, head on his chest, listening to his heart beat and his breath rise and fall...listen to the life go in and out of his chest and realize that now I have something MORE to live for..I'm not just getting through each day for my children..I want to share everything with this man. And when you feel such strong feelings for someone like that, is there really any way to put a time limit on when it's ok to feel such things?? (By the way none of my feelings are clouded by physical things [READ: Sex] and when we do have that special moment it won't cloud anything up, only enhance everything) With that said I can now give all the details of the wonderful weekend..

Saturday was a pretty stressful day around the house, tensions high between my mom and I..I was SO very happy to be rescued by my knight in a shining maxima (he he)..After watching my college team (Wisconsin Badgers baby!!) finally win a game and break their 4 game losing streak, The Boo picked Boots and I up. I must admit I was a little shy again at first, but after spending so much time with him I don't think I will be shy anymore. We got to his house and I immediately felt welcomed by his room mates. They were all SO sweet and really interested in Boots, which greatly surprised me. This proved that The Boo must have said some really good things and made them understand that I wasn't just some girl. Boots did have a little fussy episode for a bit (I'm thinking she just got overwhelmed and overstimulated with the new place, people, and dogs) Once Boots had settled down though, The Boo took me to his boss's/friend's place to hang out. Again, everyone was really cool. I didn't feel awkward or out of place. We ended the night with a nice cuddlefest (God, I love sleeping next to this man...even if I could barely sleep because I just wanted to stay up and talk and be in his arms)

Sunday..(Funday..) started with us dropping Boots off at the sitter's, then off to tailgating for the Jaguar/Browns game..I was a little nervous, I didn't know anyone besides who I came with and all of them I had just met except The Boo (obviously) I did drink some alcohol(Let's just remind you that it's been a year since I've drank anything!!) I took it slow, everyone was watching me (I could have still used the Bestie though) There were some times I got irritated with The Boo, but he quickly apologized and made up for it.(Another huge thing, he doesn't want to fight, doesn't want me to be mad or upset and isn't so full of pride that he can't apologize and kiss and make up) So we tailgated for like 5 hours before the game..and I was feeling pretty good..The game was fun, The Boo gets a little rowdy, but if I could handle the Bestie during football, I knew I could handle him and I did (He kept saying he was worried that I wouldn't want to go home with him after the game..so cute) Now even though we didn't win, it was a lot of fun. I got to spend some time with The Boo and got to see all the things and people he had been telling me about. (Unlike boyfriends in the past who didn't really let me in on their lives) The night ended with me being a little excitable (a nice G rated way of putting it) and The Boo passing out, while Boots refused to sleep. (Taking care of a baby after having some drinks is much more difficult..) Needless to say, we all got to bed safe and sound sooner or later.

Monday, The Boo was supposed to take me home, however we quickly decided that we wanted more time together. So I patiently waited at his house while he worked. Once he got home we got somethings and I made him dinner (Spaghetti Pie..at his request) I was nervous since cooking for someone is HUGE and I had never actually made spaghetti pie on my own. So with the help of several calls to my mom, I was able to make it and it turned out good! Nothing burned or burned down (ha ha) We then watched some Monday Night Football and cuddled and talked til the early morning where we fell asleep and woke up still in each other's arms..(this has never happened to me, boyfriends of the past like to wait til they think I'm asleep and then push me off) Let's just say I didn't want to go to sleep, but passed out from pure exhaustion only to wake up a few hours later and be wide awake, wanting more and more time with The Boo. He brought us home early this morning before he had to work and it was really hard to watch him get back in his car and leave.

I can't remember feeling this way before..that's how it should be..past 'loves' and heart breaks are fading and all I want to think about or remember is HIM...and what lies ahead of us..(the only things I can remember is what they all did wrong, and he now does right) I am getting a little teary eyed just thinking about some of the things he said to me this weekend(yes, a good happy teary eyed..a my heart is full and overflowing teary eyed..a I never want to not feel like I do when I'm with him teary eyed) He keeps saying things are going so well, he is worried that something is going to happen to mess things up, but I can't even imagine what could happen. He makes me so happy that nothing...and no one could make me want something else..

As for how The Boo is with Boots..He is amazing..He left for work on Monday and kissed me and then kissed her..the sweetest thing ever..He was kind of unsure at first but things have definitely changed and I can see it and I like it..he is a good man and that's all I want for her..

My mom met him for the first time this morning when he was dropping us off and she told me that he made a good first impression on her..boyfriends of the past, she says, were so arrogant that that just was a foot ahead of them before they even started talking she didn't like them. The Boo, she says, is not like that at all, she got a good vibe and that makes me ECSTATIC! I really really truly honestly with every fiber of my being see only good things coming of this...I look forward to every text message, every phone call, the next time I get to feel his lips on mine, the next time I get to see him smile, and of course each every new day, every new milestone..for once I know that I'm going to have someone special around for the holidays..someone I can really share them with..someone that I can really fall in love with and it mean just as much to them. This right here..THIS is my new beginning..I have put in enough years of heart ache and I finally get to cash them in for the final prize.

"And I'd relive all the years, and be thankful for the tears I cried with every stumble step that led to you and got me here..Right here."

I am really liking the new Rascal Flatts song, "Here". I think it is describing how I feel now. (maybe a little early, but still true) Even if things don't work out with The Boo (which I have ABSOLUTELY NO reason to think they won't) I needed to be led to him, to this point right now, to know that I really have always deserved to be happy just like this. In the same breath I know that I had to go through all the tears and broken hearts to be able to come to this conclusion. So here are the lyrics..

'Here'

There's a place I've been lookin' for
That took me in and out of buildings
Behind windows, walls and doors
And I thought I found it
Couple times, even settled down
And I'd hang around just long enough
To find my way back out
I know now the place that I was trying to reach
Was you, right here in front of me

And I would'nt change a thing
I'd walk right back through the rain
Back to every broken heart
On the day that it was breakin'
And I'd relive all the years
And be thankful for the tears
I've cried with every stumbled step
That led to you and got me here, right here

It's amazing what I let my heart go through
To get me where it got me
In this moment here with you
And it passed me by
God knows how many times
I was so caught up in holding
What I never thought I'd find
I know now, there's a million roads I had to take
To get me in your arms this way

And I would'nt change a thing
I'd walk right back through the rain
Back to every broken heart
On the day that it was breakin'
And I'd relive all the years
And be thankful for the tears
I've cried with every stumbled step
That led to you and got me here, right here

In a love I never thought
I'd get to get to
-here
And if that's the road
God made me take to be with you

And I would'nt change a thing
I'd walk right back through the rain
Back to every broken heart
On the day that it was breakin'
And I'd relive all the years
And be thankful for the tears
I've cried with every stumbled step
That led to you and got me here, right here

And it just keeps getting better..

Really am I really living this life that I have been living in the past 2 weeks???

The Boo (yes he is officially THE BOO as of Friday) ceases to amaze me...yes, ladies there are sweet, caring, genuine men out there that are attractive,have jobs, and want a relationship. I can only see good things happening with him in my life now. And I cannot wait until the game on Sunday!!! I literally walk around with a huge goofy smile on my face 24/7. I already know where this is taking me and I'm ok with it, because it just feels right.

On the other side of things, tomorrow is the day..the day I tell my little boy goodbye for the longest period we've ever been apart..2 months....I am not looking forward to it, I'm not sure what to expect..I'm sure there will be tears..He always gets upset when it's time to go, but now I will be upset too because I know that he won't be coming back on the weekend..I don't think he really understands that he is moving, I mean he is only 4. And it is probably better this way...

Boots went to the doctor for a checkup. She now weighs 12 lbs 15 oz and is 24 inches at 3 months 19 days...She is really cutting out her nursing..and I can't do much about it either..

Even though I should be really stressed since I have no job and the money is about to run out, I am feeling pretty carefree..I attribute this to The Boo and I know this has to be how life is meant to be lived. Everything will fall into place and will work out, no sense in wasting time stressing and obsessing..I read something on a church sign yesterday.."Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death." Very true, hard times like these are best dealt with lots of prayer and faith, and loving your loved ones just a little bit more. So this is what I am spending my days doing..