When no one else wants to listen..

So I have stupid mommy stats to blab about and seems like no one is around to listen.

Sidenote:

The Boo has been extremely busy lately (apparently December is a busy time for carpet cleaning?? CLEAN IT YOURSELVES PEOPLE!)Anyway I have been struggling trying to keep myself busy and not be an annoying and clingy girlfriend, but the less attention I get the more needy I become. Since I have one failed marriage (and slew of failed relationships) under my belt, I am frantic to not let another one happen. I now realize any relationship is work, hard work. You must stay connected, you must not let mediocrity and life force you apart. If you're tired, too bad, suck it up, and make time for each other, because it will just keep getting worse if you do not stop it NOW! (These are the thoughts that run through my head on a daily basis. True I have more free time to freak out and have panic attacks about it, BUT it's all true.)

Moving on..

Boots is now 5 months old (and 7 days). She is 14lbs 8oz and 26.75 inches. She is in the 90th percentile for her height! They keep saying she has long legs and is going to be tall (Dead beat is tall). I am excited for that, why you ask? Because I am a whopping 5'3". It gets old. She is healthy and developing well. We tried applesauce today and she seemed to like it much more than the rice cereal. I am excited to start solids. It's so much fun to stand in the baby food aisle and plan little meals for your baby. They have so many new things since Bubba was a baby too. (Yes, once you're a mother you dream about baby food and slings from ebay. I'm serious! True, I would enjoy new things for myself [God knows my bra has about had it] but once you have kids buying stuff for them is much more fulfilling) So no, still no job, no money(Well we have started to get Christmas money but I can't bring myself to pay bills with it, my babies need clothes and fun stuff. Why should they suffer for my poor choices?), and a huge pile of past due notices, yet I have a few things to be happy and excited about-beautiful and healthy children that love me no matter how ratty my bra is!

TO THE MAX..it's how I roll...

I apparently like to do everything TO THE MAX...lately it's been love and stress..TO THE MAX...

Most of my life is absolutely perfect...that being The Boo and Boots...while the rest, Bubba and my lack of work is not so perfect thus causing stress TO THE MAX..(ok I promise that's the last time I'll use that phrase in this blog) I desperately want Bubba to come be with us for Christmas, but that requires a drive to New Orleans to pick him up (the half way point) and then trekking back there to drop him off...Another problem is that I need to find a job ASAP and if that happens where is he going to be while I am working?? I can't start working and ask off for a week during Christmas..I highly doubt that will fly..AND what if I can't get a job WHAT ABOUT PRESENTS FOR MY CHILDREN!?!?!?? sigh...I don't even want to think of such a thing...I hate myself for being in this position...really I do..

As for The Boo, he is amazing..absolutely UHHH MAZ ING! I don't ever want to come back home after spending the weekend with him...sadly I have to come back to reality and I hate it. He is so in love with me and with Boots, he is the greatest thing to have happened to us in a long time. He makes getting up and going through the rest of the mediocrity soooooo worth it! He let me drive his car home(therefore I am in charge of it until Friday when I drive it back to his house)...I find this a huge example of his trust in me..and it feels oh so good. Everytime he told me he loved me this weekend, felt like the first time and I was just as surprised to hear him saying it. (weird huh?) I'm so happy that these are new feelings..tells me this isn't just ANYBODY telling me what they think I want to hear..it's REAL..(TO THE MAX...ok I had to haha)

As for what I have been up to...um..this weekend was pretty low key..watching football and such..had some people over for some bbq-ing, football, and rock band on Sunday..I'm excited for the Jags game this weekend though..it will be a nice escape..

And it just keeps getting better..

Really am I really living this life that I have been living in the past 2 weeks???

The Boo (yes he is officially THE BOO as of Friday) ceases to amaze me...yes, ladies there are sweet, caring, genuine men out there that are attractive,have jobs, and want a relationship. I can only see good things happening with him in my life now. And I cannot wait until the game on Sunday!!! I literally walk around with a huge goofy smile on my face 24/7. I already know where this is taking me and I'm ok with it, because it just feels right.

On the other side of things, tomorrow is the day..the day I tell my little boy goodbye for the longest period we've ever been apart..2 months....I am not looking forward to it, I'm not sure what to expect..I'm sure there will be tears..He always gets upset when it's time to go, but now I will be upset too because I know that he won't be coming back on the weekend..I don't think he really understands that he is moving, I mean he is only 4. And it is probably better this way...

Boots went to the doctor for a checkup. She now weighs 12 lbs 15 oz and is 24 inches at 3 months 19 days...She is really cutting out her nursing..and I can't do much about it either..

Even though I should be really stressed since I have no job and the money is about to run out, I am feeling pretty carefree..I attribute this to The Boo and I know this has to be how life is meant to be lived. Everything will fall into place and will work out, no sense in wasting time stressing and obsessing..I read something on a church sign yesterday.."Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death." Very true, hard times like these are best dealt with lots of prayer and faith, and loving your loved ones just a little bit more. So this is what I am spending my days doing..

Now for the real post you all have been waiting for!

(I have decided that PBFJ needs a new, more affectionate name...but I have no clue what I should call him...because we are not officially dating [but as soon as we are..he will be The Boo..yea I know I'm stealing my bestie's term but I can't help myself! He's totally earning being called it!] So with that said let's say Potential Boo is his name for now.)

Potential Boo is probably the sweetest, cutest, funniest guy I ever met. (Well no we haven't officially met in person yet, so the sweetest, cutest, funniest guy I ever have spoken with) He makes me laugh for hours on end (yes he talks to me for hours on end EVERY night and can't seem to get enough of it). He BLOWS TSMOE out of the water! He is sensitive to Bubba moving and has planned a surprise for me the weekend after Bubba leaves. (I am almost positive that he's taking me to the Jags game..but I'm trying to be surprised.) He says that he knows I'm going to be upset about him leaving and that's why he wants to do it for me. He tells me he wants to be the guy I've never had but always deserved. (I KNOW!! Is this really happening!?!?) ((After further review of past posts I realized I totally repeated myself but oh well)) He's always telling me how when we aren't talking he misses me and can't wait til he can talk with me. AND here's the big one, he was supposed to go to a crush party with his friends (some sorority thing for single guys) but he doesn't want to go because of me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok so I am trying to stay grounded..I did just get my heart broken..I have a lot of things to risk anytime I get into a relationship..but this one is too sweet to let get away! Every day things seem to get better and the pang from TSMOE is lessened..(Bestie was right)...I never expected to find someone worth talking to on match.com but maybe I really will make a commercial (ok that's me getting ahead of myself) I cannot stop feeling like a high school girl floating on cloud 9 though. (By the way the big date with Potential Boo is tomorrow night! Dinner and a movie..but I'm so excited and NERVOUS!! I haven't been on a date in YEARS! YEARS I TELL YOU! and this will be the big decider on if we continue and take things to "dating" status...so a lot is riding on tomorrow night..eeek!)

As for other parts of my life...Bubba leaving is fast approaching and if I think about it too much, my eyes well up with tears so I try not to think of it at all. I know it's going to be the hardest thing ever to say goodbye (it's only for a few months, but still..) He's not going to understand that this will be a long goodbye either. It kills me when he says things like "I want to come see you now, mommy." And he's only an hour away now..Imagine when he says that from Texas..My heart is heavy just thinking of it. I keep telling myself that I will get through this bad time and will have a good job and place of my own soon and then I will be able to keep him longer. Keep it on repeat in my head.

Boots is eating me out of house and home...She ended her nursing strike but with stipulations..She will only nurse in the morning and before bed..every once and awhile in the afternoon. The rest of the time she wants formula(ugh I hate formula with a passion..) But she refuses to nurse, therefore making my breastmilk supply deplete and making it really hard to pump any out..I can get about 2-4 ounces a day...I have no choice but to use the formula!!! And by the way it's not cheap!!

Speaking of money! Yesterday I trekked to the far away city of Brunswick to file my child support case against Emerson's dad..(what to call him..Dead Beat) ok so to file my case against Dead Beat. It was an almost painless process besides all the prodding questions, "Did you have a sexual relationship with anyone else? Were there witnesses to your relationship? Did he offer to pay for an abortion?" (Let me just say here, everyone everywhere wear a condom..maybe even two or even better don't have sex until you're married..sex makes babies and for some reason some people choose to not remember this) I do feel exceptionally smug because I'm sure Dead Beat thinks just because he isn't answering my calls and I never went to his house that he'll be able to get out of things...WRONGO..The case worker typed in his name and birth date and it took 2 seconds (I swear to God) and she had his address!! I could not wipe the smile off of my face. I am a little bummed because since I am now living in another state it will take a little longer for things to process..now it's just a waiting game. Justice will be served though!

Since I've kicked TSMOE out of my life things have turned around, I am not in a pit of despair any longer and I promise you this..I won't go back there again. I've ripped the rear view mirror off and am only looking forward...the potential is endless :)