It's not that I have a lack of things to talk about, it's that it's just my day to day life and I know that gets boring to read, and boring for me to write about.
With that said, The Boo did make sure we had a good weekend and he made a huge effort to do things I wanted to do, and to stay awake even though I know he was tired. We put up Christmas decorations together and although I may have gotten frustrated a few times, it was fun and is another memory to add to our book.
Now my time is spent trying to make the week fly by so it'll be the weekend again. I try to think of that instead of worrying about bills. (Oh and yes I am still looking for a job. How could I not be?!?!) I do really need to hunker (is that how you spell it) down and MAKE my Christmas gifts for everyone...because the money is just not there and time is running out!!
So cross your fingers and say a quick prayer that I am able to create some cute and meaningful gifts in time!! (oh and for a job to open up that is perfect for me)
So I have stupid mommy stats to blab about and seems like no one is around to listen.
Sidenote:
The Boo has been extremely busy lately (apparently December is a busy time for carpet cleaning?? CLEAN IT YOURSELVES PEOPLE!)Anyway I have been struggling trying to keep myself busy and not be an annoying and clingy girlfriend, but the less attention I get the more needy I become. Since I have one failed marriage (and slew of failed relationships) under my belt, I am frantic to not let another one happen. I now realize any relationship is work, hard work. You must stay connected, you must not let mediocrity and life force you apart. If you're tired, too bad, suck it up, and make time for each other, because it will just keep getting worse if you do not stop it NOW! (These are the thoughts that run through my head on a daily basis. True I have more free time to freak out and have panic attacks about it, BUT it's all true.)
Moving on..
Boots is now 5 months old (and 7 days). She is 14lbs 8oz and 26.75 inches. She is in the 90th percentile for her height! They keep saying she has long legs and is going to be tall (Dead beat is tall). I am excited for that, why you ask? Because I am a whopping 5'3". It gets old. She is healthy and developing well. We tried applesauce today and she seemed to like it much more than the rice cereal. I am excited to start solids. It's so much fun to stand in the baby food aisle and plan little meals for your baby. They have so many new things since Bubba was a baby too. (Yes, once you're a mother you dream about baby food and slings from ebay. I'm serious! True, I would enjoy new things for myself [God knows my bra has about had it] but once you have kids buying stuff for them is much more fulfilling) So no, still no job, no money(Well we have started to get Christmas money but I can't bring myself to pay bills with it, my babies need clothes and fun stuff. Why should they suffer for my poor choices?), and a huge pile of past due notices, yet I have a few things to be happy and excited about-beautiful and healthy children that love me no matter how ratty my bra is!
I was reading in a magazine that you should write a love letter to yourself, it'll make you feel better so here goes nothing..
Dearest Ashley,
I've known you for what seems like forever, yet not long enough. I admire so much about you and wish you too would admire yourself. I love how you have endured so much heartache, loss, and hard times. You still get out of bed (although it may be later in the morning than you should) and you try to live each day as a new day. I admire your deep inner strength (even though sometimes you struggle to use it). I love how you put your children first, have made lots of sacrifices and chosen the best for them (no matter how hard it was for you). I find it empowering that you worked 3 jobs and went to night school, all while pregnant and caring for a 3 year old. You are a rockin' momma whether you believe it or not. Don't let anyone else tell you you're not a good mom, because you are. You do the best that you can and that's all that anyone can do.
I know you are hard on yourself, especially about your body image. Keep telling yourself that you have brought two beautiful children into this world. Not everyone can pay for tummy tucks, personal trainers, nutrionists, and super healthy diet food. You do the best you can with what God gave you, and he gave you a healthy and fertile body with the ability to bear children and not have any major complications. Remember that is a blessing in itself, so many women struggle to get pregnant and to carry to term. Your body may not look like a super model's but it has super human strength and it has all the necessities to nuture children. Sure you might have stretch marks, some cellulite, and extra skin forming a cute little pooch (ok not so cute but whatev), most mommies have this too and it's well worth the reward! You have a wonderful man who loves you just like you are, who loved you after your body had these two children and who said himself that he probably wouldn't have been attracted to your former 115 lb highschool self. He loves the woman and mom you are now. So let go of the dreams of having that highschool body back. You're much better in this new form that you possess and it'll just keep getting better with age! And by the way you still have some killer legs!
The thing I probably love the most about you is your huge heart, the fact that you want to give and give til you can't give anymore and then to keep giving. Sure you can pout when you don't get your way, but 9 times out of 10 you make sure the one's you love have what they want. You are forgiving, you give 2nd chances, and you try to remain patient til the bitter end. You're sensitive and compassionate(although sometimes jealous) and you rarely say a mean word, unless deserved. You may not say how thankful you are all the time, but you show your love and gratitude in ways you know best(helping in subtle ways or baking some goodies). You have a lot to offer and don't forget that! Even in hard times like now, just because you aren't working doesn't mean you are worthless. You are smart and intelligent and the right job will come. You will find that niche where you have always wanted to be and you will be happy in a job where you help others. It will come just be patient.
I love your faith in your loved ones, in God and in mankind in general. Don't lose your faith. You don't need others to tell you that you have no faith because you don't practice a religion. Faith is so much better and stronger. Keep your faith close to your heart and your prayers frequent. God will always guide you down the right path.
I love you for you! So don't forget that!
And here's a song that I love right now, makes me feel happy!!
This is going to be pretty short..I have been really slacking and now there is just WAY too much to catch up on.
Thanksgiving was good, so happy I was able to spend it with The Boo. I have so much to be thankful and am just that, Thankful.
The weekend was okay overall. We now have a massive, ugly reminder of our first official huge fight. (Screaming, yelling, throwing things, punching bathroom doors and The Boo may or may not have cried[obviously I cried]) We did hug and kiss and make up and yes alcohol was involved. No one is perfect and if you don't fight then you're freaking weird.
I cannot get into the Christmas spirit, I want to badly. But it just doesn't feel like Christmas, one because I don't have my own home to decorate and bake to my heart's content in and two because I have no money to buy anyone gifts. Yes, I know that's not what it's about, but that always got me amped up, planning, buying and wrapping for the ones I love. All I feel is stress and anxiety for the day that is looming before me, what will I wrap up to give? I have seriously thought of getting a huge bow and placing it strategically on myself to give to The Boo, but that gift won't work for anyone else (ha ha)
I'm just going to keep praying something happens, something comes along and helps turn things around in the money department. (Please hurry!)
So much to say but do I want to take the time to sort it all out?? BLAH
The weekend was a pretty good one, but I would like to address my football team..My last game of the season was the Jaguars versus the Vikings this weekend. (by the way drinking all that alcohol made the loss hurt even more) I don't know why but the alcohol made me very angry. (Ok, I'm lying it wasn't just the alcohol but a culmination of things that got under my skin along with a losing football team and some alcohol) The game is not going to be in my best memories log that's for sure. It began with The Boo's ex calling the night before (unbenounced to me until she called the second time on this day) and saying she called on accident drunk and then announced she'd be at the game..(Um who the f*&# cares??!?!?) As women we all know there are no accidental drunken phone calls..there are just drunk dialing...moving on..Then when we got to the game, I sarcastically told a Viking fan I liked his face paint (really I was making fun of it since it was smeared down his face and looked like he'd been crying) but The Boo decided to tell me to find my own way home (yes, he'd been drinking too..this never fails to create the best fights, agree?) So then I'm mad and then the Jaguars miss two easy field goals in a row and it's all downhill from there. Some girl I don't know, didn't get introduced to either (a big no no), comes up and is all feeling on The Boo and saying how she misses him..(final straw) I start screaming and cussing how I'm going to beat some you know what (yes, while she is still standing there, the touching stopped) The anger did not, I took the rest of my anger out on The Boo and vice versa..needless to say we left the game early. So after a long car ride to pick up Boots, we ended up making up and everything was ok. We had a lot of fighting this weekend but they resulted in some break throughs in our relationship. So it all worked out in the end. (But I do say, I am dramatic and if The Boo still wants to stick around after it he's the one)
Now I have more drama going on with the rest of my life, I'm so stressed and overwhelmed. I just wish everything else could fall into place and some people (read: my parents) would cut me some slack. I am happy with The Boo, so be receptive to him. kthankspreesh!
(And that's all it will probably be..me wishing for things I can't have..)
(yea I don't have one..)
(for the Boo, but my team looks pretty cute too..) (I love sweaters)
(I need a jersey..all the cool kids have them)
(this is cute too...oooo)
(I lost my studs :( )
(I love to bake and love love love the vintage aprons)
(I laugh because this was under "loungewear"..I wouldn't lounge around in this ha)
(So cute! )
(Ok after further review there is too much on Forever21 and Victoria's Secrets' sites for me to post...I just need gift cards [like anyone who reads this is getting me gifts haha..but this is me WISHING])
And then things for Boots..(and in the end for me, because she is barely 5 months, she doesn't know)
(I lost my studs :( )
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